Michael Jackson ...

He sang

He danced

He touched little boys

He died

NOW MOVE THE FUCK ON ALREADY!!!!

Retrophile ...

I think I have an unnatural obsession with Jodie Sweetin.

For those of you who don't know her .... she played Stephanie tanner on "Full house".

Is it wrong of me to want to splatter her face with baby batter?

I mean ..... come on .... look at her!

She's hotter than a leather steering wheel in Phoenix in July.

Does it matter to me that she used to be addicted to Meth?

NOPE!!!!

In fact .... if she wanted to .... I'd let her snort a line of crank off my "crank".

And then I'd pound her ass like it was Mike Tyson and I was Buster Douglas .... and then I'd .....

Nevermind ........ I just came.

There's more for your life ...

My recent job hunt hasn't been going as well as I'd hoped. And today I ran into something  ... how shall I say this? ..... Peculiar?

Some businesses require you to fill out an online application on site. This is the case with Sears department store. While I have no problem with this whatsoever ... I DO have a problem with the way this application went.

It started off routinely enough. Asking for Name, SS number, address, etc. so far so good .... right?

WRONG!!

After hitting enter to proceed to the next page, A screen popped up informing me that because of the nature of my termination, I was not eligible for rehire. So I thought to myself ... "Wow, what did I do that was so bad?"   And then It dawned on me what the problem was.

I HAVE NEVER FUCKIN' WORKED FOR FUCKIN' SEARS IN MY ENTIRE FUCKIN' LIFE!!!!! 

So I called the 1-888-searsisfuckedinthehead number, and talked to someone with such broken english that I wanted to punch every brown person that I saw at that moment. (and there are ALOT of them in AZ).  She finally was able to pronounce the phrase  "wuyou lok to speck to monnyja?"  

YES please .... for the love of God .... YES!!

 

I almost came in my fuckin' pants when "monnyja" spoke FLUENT english to me after being on hold for 5 minutes. I explained to her that I have never worked for Sears and that it was a mistake. She asked me if I ever APPLIED to sears before. " I don't remember to be honest with you" I told her.  "I may have at one point .... But I KNOW I never WORKED for Sears". 

She informed me that "back in the day" Sears sometimes hired people and failed to inform them of their employment. Which would explain why it says "job abandonment" in my file. 

"Can you fix this?" I asked her.   "Absolutely"  she said.   "But wait a couple days before you re-apply, to make sure that it's confirmed in the system".  

Will I be Reapplying for a job at Sears?

No

Will I call them and make a fuss that I want paid for the 8 days they claim I was employed there?

Hmmmmmmmmm

The perfect ending to this year ...

I'm borrowing Kevin's computer to write this. I know I said I wasn't gonna write anything until I got to Arizona, but this is worth jumping the gun for.
I went back to work for Dominos for the time being to make money for my AZ trip. Kevin actually gave me a job in his store in Lima, and I've been staying at his house until I leave for AZ. So ....

Last night was new years eve. One of the 3 busiest days in the pizza business. Around 8:30 p.m. last night, 2 black guys with hoodies on and bandana's tied around their faces walked into the store, and pointed guns at us and told us to get on the floor. I immediately dropped to my knees and put my hands in the air. Kevin didn't actually see them walk in, or hear them, so I said "Kevin ... get on the ground now". He turned and saw me on my knees and thought I was joking at first. He saw the guy on our side of the counter with the gun and thought it was a joke and laughed. In the next second, he realized that it was real, when the guy stopped pointing his gun at me and pointed it at him and told him to "get the fuckin' money from the drawer"!
Kevin walked over and opened the drawer, and said" just go ahead and take it". The guy grabbed all of the big bills, but left the 5's and 1's. He lifted up the drawer to see if there was any money under it and said "That's it?" "where's the drop box at?" He sounded a bit irritated by this point. Kevin told him that we didn't have a drop box. So the guy asked where the safe was. he was standing right in front of it. Before Kevin could say anything the guy just took what money he had and they both left.

40 seconds ..... in and out.

I'm not ashamed to say, that I have never been so scared in my entire life. I've seen the aftermath of gunshot wounds to the head and body WAYYYYY too many times in my life.
And I honestly thought that he was gonna shoot us all before he left.
Nobody got shot, thankfully. And we are all no worse for wear.

I highly reccomend , that if any of you .... God forbid .... should experience this. Do EXACTLY as they say, and give them what they want.

Now if you'll excuse me .... I'm gonna go finish having a heart attack.

Homeward bound ...

Yes, friends and neighbors, the time has come.

I'll be moving back to Arizona in January.

No more snow.

no more humidity.

And best of all ...... an insanely decreased chance of tornados.

So, this will be my last post for a while. The next time you hear from me .... It'll be from the valley of the sun, describing me and Sean's trip to Rocky point mexico. With any luck, It'll be a Harold and Kumar style trip.

So until then ....

                                         PEACE!!!!

Santa Corleone ...

Cannon rock ...

I thought this was worth reposting.

AMAZING!