Tick tock ...

At 2 p.m. yesterday, I was going through my ritual of getting ready for work.

I took a shower, grabbed a cup of coffee, put on my shirt and shorts, sat down at the computer to put my socks and shoes on .... and then it happened.

The pain was so intense, that I dropped my shoe, doubled over and clutched my chest and thought .... "Oh my god , This is it".

My mom came in the room and said " Oh my god you're as white as a ghost".

everything got quiet except for the increasing high pitched ring in my ears, and the room started fading out. just before it could go completely black, I muttered "no no no no no no no no", and the room came back along with my hearing. "...ok?" "...you ok?" " Rob? ..... are you ok?"

"No" I said. The pain went as quickly as it came, but the lightheadedness stuck around for about an hour. "Take your blood pressure"!

"get the machine" I told her.

165/94 ten minutes later it was 159/89. cool .... it's coming down. 2 minutes later, the dizziness came back 171/104. "call 911".

"are you sure?"

"yes"

"911 what's your emergency?"

"I think my son is having a heart attack".

"is he conscious?"

"yes, but he doesn't look good"

"I have the fire dept on the way mam"

"Thank you"

(fast forward)

after 6 hours in the ER, 2000 cc's of fluid by I.V. and many blood tests later.

I did NOT have another heart attack. BUT.....

my cholesterol was so high that it wouldn't register, and my triglycerides were ..... 897.

yes ..... I said 897.

normal is below 150. The ER doc said "I don't know how you're alive my friend." "are you ready to make some changes in your life?"

"Yes I am." I said feeling utterly beaten.

"Yes, I most certainly am".

Fuck Katrina ... and Fuck being robbed at gunpoint.

This , my friends was the scariest thing I've experienced.

... So far (shiver)

Survey Time ...

1.Who makes the best fudge?

you'd think it'd be those little motherfuckers that live in the tree. But it's really some old dude named Wayne, that lives on 137th and Broadway in Newark.

2.Do you believe that the world is gonna end at 2012?

It actually ended in '92 at the little mesa wedding chapel

3.Can you swear inside your house?

Mother fucker, I can swear any fuckin' place I fuckin' choose. ..... except Denny's ... they don't like that shit.

4.When did you last eat waffles?

On Tuesday ..... "waffles" is my pet name for the girl that works at the bank drive through window btw.

5.What color is your bra or boxers?

Blue ...... and my boxers are grey.

6.What ethnicity was your last ex?

well, her mother was from Iceland ... and her father was from Cuba.

so she was an "ice-cube".

7.Anything your really afraid of?

not really, but Robin gets really freaked out about frogs

RIBBIT!!!!!!!!!

8.Would you burn the American flag for a million dollars?

I would burn my own mother for a 30 pack of milwaukee's best.

9.What is your biggest pet peeve about other people?

The constant converting of oxygen into carbon dioxide.

10. What bill do you hate paying the most?

Bill Johnson

11.What do you get every time you go into a WalMart?

A huge, raging hardon .... and then arrested. in that order.

12. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer at an art gallery?

do you see a red circle on my forehead, where the barrel of a gun was pressed against it?

It's gonna be a good day ...

Oct 29 2009 8:00P

Dodge Theater

Phoenix, Arizona

I got my ticket's ......FINALLY!

Five random things that I ACTUALLY heard this week ...

I'm leaving the names out to prevent embarrassment .... but you know who you are.

5. "That motherfucker is gynocologist approved .... cuz he's a straight up PUSSY"

4. "I shit my pants at work once ..... but did they let me go home though? Noooooo, they gave me a pair of mesh panties and some scrub bottoms and told me to get back to work"

3. (person 1) "You're an angry person".

(person 2) " Only when I have to deal with people".

2. "One day we were sitting here just being bored, so I decided to pull my balls out and lay them on her arm".

and the number 1 random thing I heard this week ....

1. "I just wanted to say that I am SOOOOOOOO sorry that I fell on your baby at the last party"

After 5 long years ...

I've decided to go back into Respiratory therapy.

I'm kinda torn on this decision though. I like delivering pizza, and the money is awesome at times. But ...

I really miss the rush of being on a trauma team.

I miss the rush of hearing the *bong* over the intercom just before a "code blue" is called.

I miss the satisfaction of watching someone wean from the ventilator, and breathe on their own again.

I miss going out after work at 7 a.m. with my co-workers, and having a few (thousand) beers.

I miss wearing scrubs.

But most of all ....

I miss the feeling of coming home from a long nights work, and feeling like I made a difference.

wish me luck.

P.S. ...

SO LONG BODI!

You'll be missed

you really need to know ...

*Ring*

Me : "Thank you for calling Domino's, this is Rob, can I help you?"

Dumbass ignorant college Kid : "Uhhhh ..... yeah." (pause) " I need to place an order for delivery"

Me : "OK, and what's your address?"

d.i.c.k : "Ummmmm ....... I'm at the ASU campus"

Me : "OK, what's the address?"

d.i.c.k. : "I'm at eagle hall"

Me : "Sir?"

d.i.c.k : "yes?"

Me : "what's the address?"

d.i.c.k. : "Eagle hall ...... It's on the ASU campus"

Me : "Sir, I need to know the address of your dorm"

d.i.c.k : (angrily) : "I JUST TOLD YOU"

Me : "OK sir ..... what I need you to tell me ..... is the "NUMBERED" address, and the street it's on".

d.i.c.k : "ummmmm ........ I'm not sure, don't you know where it is"?

Me : "don't you?"

d.i.c.k : "Yeah .... it's on the ASU campus".

Me : *sigh*

d.i.c.k : "let me find out what it is, and I'll call you back"

Me : "ok"

(10 minutes later)

*RING*

Me : "thank you for .... blah blah blah

d.i.c.k "Hey, I found out the address"

Me : "WONDERFUL .... what is it"?

d.i.c.k. : "OK ...... when you pull in to the campus, go all the way to the end of the road and turn left .... then go to the last....

Me : "SIR?!"

d.i.c.k : "yeah?"

Me : " I need to know ......THE NUMBERED ADDRESS".

d.i.c.k : "I don't know it, can't I just give you directions"?

Me : "no .... I need the address"

d.i.c.k : "just forget it then"

*click*

I know EXACTLY where he was. hee hee heeeeeeeeee.